|
To-do List for the Soul: Adar
According to the Kabbalistic text Sefer Yetzirah,
every month of the Jewish calendar is associated with a letter of
the Hebrew alphabet, a sense (one of the five senses or an
emotion), a controlling limb of the body, a zodiac sign and
one of the twelve tribes of Israel. These associations give us
important clues as to how to live in tune with the spiritual energies of
each month, and can help each of us prepare our own personal to-do list
for the soul.
The Jewish year ends on a joyous note with the month of
Adar. The word Adar shares a similar root with the Hebrew word adir,
which means "strong." During the month of Adar, the mazal (luck) of
the Jewish people is at its strongest - as shown by the Purim story (see
Why
Is This Month Different for more about the holiday of Purim).
A significant aspect of Adar's joy is the idea of
transformation, which comes about by revealing something that was
previously concealed. Often we become stuck in a problem because we are
stuck in old ways of thinking. Adar gives us an opportunity to look at
life's problems through a different lens - the lens of laughter. We use
laughter not to minimize the seriousness of a problem, but to strip away
the mask of needless fear and worry that was concealing the positive
resolution to the situation.
The laughter of Adar can be a wonderful release for the
tension and sorrows that we have stored up during the past year. And if we
can open ourselves up fully to Adar's potential for joy, we will have come
a long way towards preparing for the work of the next month - Nissan -
when we experience the joy of our redemption from slavery in Egypt and our
first steps as a free people. *
Letter: Kuf.
The letter kuf means "monkey," and Adar is
certainly a time when we "monkey around." For just as a monkey's antics
are funny precisely because it appears to be masquerading as a human
being, on Purim we dress up in costume and pretend to be someone else, and
laugh at the results.
Why do we laugh? Because it often happens that the very
costume we use to conceal our outward identity is the same one that
reveals some inner quality we have kept hidden during the rest of the
year. We laugh from the shock of recognition that this quality, too, is a
part of our being and from the realization that our souls have more hues
and colors in them than we previously imagined.
Costumes can be powerful, as anyone who has ever appeared
in a play knows. When a modern woman accustomed to wearing either a
business suit or jeans dresses up as Queen Esther - complete with a long,
flowing skirt, dashing full-length cape and a tiara on her head - she
moves differently, and is moved to behave differently.
Her crown may remind her to stand up straight, the weight
of the cape flowing in a train behind her may pull back her shoulders,
while the heavy rings on her fingers may influence her to gesture more
deliberately with her hands. This change in posture may, in turn, have an
effect on the way she speaks. Her sentence structure may become more
formal and her tone of voice may become more authoritative.
As she moves and speaks with more regality, she may notice
an internal difference, as well. Suddenly she feels stronger within
herself, more important. She's no longer an anonymous lawyer or housewife
who trudges through the endless chores which fill up her day. She's a
Queen: Every word she speaks is important, every gesture she makes is
endowed with meaning.
As she settles into this new role, one more thing will
happen: she will discover that either she likes being a queen, or she
feels stifled in the role. Either way, she has learned something new about
herself.
If she likes being a queen, she can decide which aspects
of the role she wants to take with her and incorporate into her daily
life. For instance, perhaps in the past she has been bothered by her
hesitancy when speaking with colleagues, but now she sees that she can
speak with authority simply by accessing the "queen" who lives inside her.
If she disliked being a queen, she can look more closely
to find out what in her everyday life is causing this negative reaction.
Was her queen a petty tyrant who snapped out orders to one and all - which
reminded her of how she acts at home when she is tired and under stress?
Did the weight of the costume remind her of the constrictions she feels
when she dresses up for work and has to play a professional role that is
not really suited for her? By identifying things she disliked about her
masquerade, she can identity areas that need to be worked on after the
costume is put away.
The costume of the queen, of course, is just one
masquerade choice out of many. The work of Adar is to play around with as
many different choices as we like to discover more and more about our
hidden selves - and especially those parts of us that are potential
vessels for joy - so feel free to pick-and-choose from the exercises
below.
To-do List for the Soul:
I. Virtual Costume Party
1. If you could choose any costume in the world -
a costume that would make you feel on top of the world - who would you
be? (For this exercise, choose a person and not an animal.) As this is
an exercise of the imagination, don't worry about the mechanics of how
to make the costume or what the neighbors might think. Just let your
thoughts flow freely until you have an image of the persona in your
mind.
2. Now image the various elements of the costume
down to the very last detail. Does the costume have a hat, a mask or a
belt? Is the costume tight or loose fitting? What type of shoes are you
wearing? What colors are in the costume? Are you carrying a weapon, a
tool or some other object in your hand? How big or heavy is this object?
3. Next, see this persona moving about his or her
natural habitat. Perhaps you are seeing a pirate engaged in a
swash-buckling sword-fight on board a ship. Or perhaps you are watching
a movie star giving an interview to a crowd of adoring reporters. Maybe
you have been transported to a medieval workshop where you see a scribe
creating an illuminated manuscript. Wherever you are, take note of how
this persona walks, gestures and talks.
4. How does this persona experience and express
joy? What does he or she like to do that brings pleasure? How does he or
she laugh - with a chuckle, a loud guffaw?
5. As you watch the persona in action, take note
of what you like and dislike about this persona. Try to be specific.
Perhaps you like the pirate's energy and athletic movement, but are
bothered by his cruel streak. Try to come up with a few pros and cons.
6. Now think back and try to remember if this is
the first time you have imagined this particular persona or if you had a
similar fantasy when you were a child.
7. If you imagined being this persona as a child,
what meaning did it have for you back then? What qualities did it have
that you wanted to incorporate into your life? Were you able to do it?
Were there some things about this persona that meant something to
you as a child, but are no longer important to you today?
8. What does the persona mean to you today? Are
there any qualities you would like to take from this persona and
incorporate into your life? Or are you now ready to say good-bye to this
persona?
9. If there are qualities you would like to
emulate, write down three concrete steps you can take, per quality, in
order to incorporate this quality into your life. For instance, if you
admire your persona's physical agility, your list might include taking
an aerobics glass at your neighborhood gym, dancing to music for fifteen
minutes every day or taking a brisk walk every evening.
10. Choose one item from your list and make a
commitment during Adar to do it.
During Adar you can do this virtual masquerade as many
times as you like. You might want to see how you mood affects your
choice, or if any pattern emerges in terms of qualities that you would
like to nurture and develop.
II. Carnival of the Animals
1. Get into comfortable clothes and go into a
room where you can be alone for 20-30 minutes. Take some simple food
with you, such as fruit or rolls, but no cutlery or dishes.
2. Be an animal - choose one that you like or
admire for its beauty, strength or grace.
3. How does this animal move? Don't think it, do
it. What sounds does this animal make? Make them.
4. Explore your world if you are a curious type
of animal. If you are indolent, enjoy every indolent movement and sound
of contentment.
5. If you get hungry, hunt for some food
in your habitat. When you find some, how do you approach it and
determine if it is OK to eat? Do you sniff at it, or paw at it? How do
you eat it?
6. How do you express your happiness for having a
good meal?
7. When you have finished with this animal, say
good-bye to it and prepare to move on to the second part of the
exercise.
8. Now choose an animal that you dislike. Perhaps
you are afraid of it, or disgusted by its habits. Be this animal.
9. Move like this animal, and speak as this
animal speaks. Forage for food and eat like this animal.
10. Suddenly, an enemy approaches and tries to
steal your food. How do you react? Remember, you are an animal. Fight
off this enemy with all your strength and vanquish it.
11. When the battle has been won and the danger
has passed, relax and enjoy your victory.
We all have animal elements inside us. Children
instinctively use make-believe games to let off steam, and so can we. It's
far better to be a ferocious tiger in the privacy of our room, than to
lash out at the office or dinner table.
III. Color Test
Color has the ability to powerfully affect our mood. When
we are feeling down, wearing a bright colored sweater can cheer us up.
When we need to feel more grounded, an earth color may do the trick.
If you are already using color to help express your moods
and personality, you might want to skip this exercise. If your wardrobe is
limited to just a few colors, however, this exercise might open up new
dimensions of your soul.
1. Think of a color that you seldom wear, but
would now like to experiment with. Don't choose a color that you think
doesn't look good on you. Rather, choose one that you like, but just
don't usually choose to wear - perhaps because you think it is
inappropriate for your age or profession or lifestyle.
2. Find an article of clothing that is this
color. If you don't have an item in your wardrobe, see if you can borrow
something from a friend. If you can't find a sweater, shirt, dress,
skirt, jacket or pants in this color, at the very least, try to find a
long scarf or tie.
3. Decide on a day when you will wear this color
out in public. Take note of how you feel when you get up in the morning
and how you feel when you see yourself in the mirror dressed in this
color. What emotions does the color evoke in you?
4. Take note of how other people react to you. Do
your co-workers or friends notice the new color? Do you notice yourself
acting any differently?
5. As you think back over the day, ask yourself
if you enjoyed wearing this color. Can this color give you an extra
boost of joy or confidence? Or did you feel uncomfortable or indifferent
wearing it?
6. Experiment with other colors, keeping in mind
that you wish to create your own personal palette for colors that can
give you an added boost when you're feeling down.
IV. Sunflower Talk
Do you have a boss or co-worker who is always angry and
confrontational? Do you dread going to parties or conferences where you
don't know many of the people? Do you often feel at the mercy of other
people's bad moods? How can you keep your sense of joy in these trying
situations?
Instead of responding to the angry or disgruntled face of
this people, have your sunflower talk to his (or hers). Here's how to do
it.
1. When you feel the encounter getting tense,
mentally step outside the situation and visualize that you have a tall,
gorgeous sunflower growing right in your solar plexus.
2. Now see a huge, golden sunflower growing in
the solar plexus of the person you are speaking to.
3. As you continue the conversation, be aware
that your sunflower is talking to the sunflower of the other person. Let
their conversation dictate how you respond to the other person.
4. If you are having a bad day and you are the
one who is generating negative energy, take a moment to visualize your
sunflower.
5. As you walk through the street or sit stuck in
traffic, visualize that everyone you are in contact with has a
sunflower. Let your sunflower communicate with this beautiful field of
sunflowers.
At times we all wear the mask of anger and frustration,
and some of us wear this mask more often than others. Yet inside of every
one of us there is a neshama (soul) that wants to interact with the
world with love and kindness. Sunflower talk allows us to communicate with
the point of light in others, and stay grounded in our own point of joy.
Zodiac: Dagim
(Pisces - fish).
Fish live in the hidden world of the sea. So too is Israel
hidden in this world. On the surface it seems we are the most despised and
miserable of people on this earth. Yet when the Final Redemption comes and
God's Glory is revealed, the true identity of the Jewish People will also
be revealed.
The singular form of dagim is dag, which
shares a common root with the word da'ag, a worry. This month's
zodaic sign, therefore, is a remedy for transforming worry into joy.
To-do List for the Soul:
I. Share-a-Worry
1. Is there something that's worrying you right
now? Are you feeling jittery about your job? Afraid of getting older?
Worried about the world situation? If so, call up a close friend or
relative and talk. This sign is represented by two fish - not one - and
as the saying goes, a worry shared is a worry halved. And since this is
Adar, try to pick a confidant who has a good sense of humor. Sometimes a
little laughter can do a lot to make a bleak situation seem brighter.
2. Conversely, do you sense that your spouse or a
friend is worried about something? In a non-threatening way, let this
person know that you are available to listen. But if you are the
listener, be careful not to laugh off the other person's problems unless
you get the sense that they want some cheering up.
II. Easy Glider
Sometimes it happens that we feel overwhelmed by a sea of
anxieties. When this happens, here's a good visualization to try:
1. Close your eyes and imagine that you are
beautiful fish swimming effortlessly in an azure sea. Take a few moments
to really feel the gentle waters that surround you - and part before you
as you glide through this watery space.
2. As you travel, you come across turbulent
patches of water - mortgage payments, pink slips, terrorist attacks,
ticking biological clocks, ill health, etc.
3. See yourself successfully passing through each
patch of turbulent water. Perhaps you swim right through it, or leap
over it or dive under it.
4. Once you have glided through the last bit of
turbulence, once more see yourself swimming in calm waters.
5. Open your eyes when you feel totally calm and
relaxed.
Sense: Laughter.
Have you ever stopped to think about what causes laughter?
If you have, you were probably surprised by what you found. We don't laugh
when we are expecting something good to happen to us and that good
materializes. We laugh when we were expecting one thing to happen and,
instead, something quite different occurs. It is the shock of the
unexpected that makes us break out into laughter, and when a great
darkness is transformed into a great light, we laugh the hardest.
In the Torah, there is the phrase pachad Yitzchak -
the fear of the Patriarch Isaac. But the phrase can also be translated as
"fear shall laugh" - fear will be transformed into laughter. On Purim, the
Jews' fear of annihilation was transformed into the laughter of salvation.
And on a more prosaic note, here is a story from modern times that
illustrates this concept:
A woman won a large amount of coins from a slot machine in
Las Vegas. She wanted to put the money in her hotel room, so she waited by
the elevators with the open, coin-filled container in her hand. The
elevator arrived and she walked inside. Before the elevator doors closed,
however, three men entered the elevator with her. One of the men was
slight in build, but the other two were quite burly and mean looking.
The slightly-built man yelled out, "Hit the floor, lady,"
and the woman dived to the floor of the elevator. Her stash of coins went
flying all over the car.
The men tried not to laugh as one of them helped her back
up to her feet and another one began to gather up her coins.
"Lady," the slightly-built man explained, "when I said
'Hit the floor,' I meant hit the button for your room's floor."
The man then introduced himself and much to the woman's
surprise she discovered that her presumed mugger was actually a famous
movie star and the two other men were his bodyguards.
At the moment when the incident happened, we can be sure
that the woman was shaking with fear. When she told it to others, however,
we can presume that she was also shaking - but now her fear had been
transformed into joy and she was shaking with laughter.
It's not every day that a presumed mugger is transformed
into a movie star, but more often than we may be aware of our biggest
worries may turn out to be reasons for joyous laughter. For example,
getting laid off from a job we intensely dislike can cause a lot of stress
while we're in the middle of it. But when the lay-off leads to a new and
satisfying career, we can look back and laugh at how foolish we were to be
stuck in our fears.
To-do List for the Soul:
I. Look Back With Laughter
1. Is there one particular thing that is worrying you
right now? Perhaps you are frustrated or bored with your job but don't
know what else you can do. If so, take a piece of paper and divide it
into two columns. On one side write down all the things about the job
that are causing you distress. On the other side, write down all the
reasons that are preventing you from leaving the job and moving on to
something else.
2. When your two lists are complete, put your pen and
paper aside and close your eyes. Visualize that you are now
time-traveling into the future, where you meet your older self. The
two of you are now sitting in a comfortable space, and your older self
invites you to begin the conversation/interview.
3. Ask your older self how she, or he, solved the problem
that is now bothering you. Take the time to wait for the answer. If
you like, refer to your lists and ask how your self overcame certain
obstacles or resolved certain frustrations.
4. Older people generally enjoy talking about the past
and sharing their wisdom. If your older self hasn't already brought
the subject up, ask him/her if there is anything that now, with the
perspective of time, seems funny about the situation. Encourage your
older self to be as expressive in speech or movement as he or she
wants to be. Can you share in with this laughter?
5. When you are through with the "interview," thank your
older self and return to the present. When you are ready, open your
eyes.
Sometimes we're too deeply mired in a problem to get
clear-cut answers to our questions. Yet even becoming aware that we will
get through this - one day the present will be the long-ago past - can
bring us relief and joy.
II. Jokes-on-File
Adar is a great time to start compiling your own joke
file. Write down jokes you hear, cut out cartoons and ask your friends for
suggestions. If you divide your file into categories - such as family,
work, health, etc. - you'll be able to easily pull out your Humor First
Aid kit when an emergency arises.
Controlling Limb:
Spleen.
According to our Sages, "the spleen laughs" (Berachot
61b) - which is odd considering the spleen is considered to be the seat of
the "black humor" and therefore the seat of depression.
The spleen's job is to get rid of excesses and impurities
- the black bile of the body - which can be "depressing" if the spleen has
to put in a lot of "overtime" to accomplish its job.
The spleen is also related to the quality of sluggishness.
In Hebrew, this organ is called techol, which contains within it
the word chol - sand. Since sand is similar to earth - one of the
four basic elements - the spleen is compared to the element of earth, the
lowest and heaviest of these four elements. Earth is associated with
depression, which can lead to lethargy and indifference. This
sluggishness, in turn, can lead to an even greater depression.
How can we break the vicious cycle?
"Black humor" in Hebrew is marah shechorah.
According to Rabbi Yitzchak Ginzburgh, a leading teacher of Chassidus and
Kabbalah today, if we switch around the letters of these two words, we
come up with a new phrase: hirhur sameach - a happy thought.
Thinking happy thoughts, and speaking about happy
thoughts, can jumpstart the spleen out of its lethargy and depression.
Because the cure - laughter - is concealed within the very black bile the
spleen produces, it's no wonder that the spleen laughs when its secret is
revealed.
To-do List for the Soul:
I. Stroll With a Star
If you find that your troubles are weighing you down, try
this exercise to lift your spirits.
1. As you are walking, visualize that you are hanging from
a star. Your star is like a magnet that is lifting you upward.
2. Feel your head being lifted upward by your starry
magnet.
3. As you continue to walk, feel all the weight being
lifted off your shoulders and from your heart. Feel your body getting
lighter and lighter until your feet barely touch the ground.
4. Continue on your way, carried along by your star.
II. Label Yourself
Most of us don't like to be labeled by others, but
sometimes a little self-labeling can get us out of a rut and turn our
thoughts around. If your mind is busy telling you about how unhappy you
are or frustrated by life's challenges, politely, but firmly, let your
mind know that it is mistaken. Label yourself a happy person by repeating
one of the following affirmations, or devise your own.
I am a happy person and I love being alive.
I am now ready to accept joy into my life.
I appreciate all the gifts that God has given me.
I am now creating my life exactly as I want it.
III. Give Away Smiles for Free
I once attended a lecture by Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, a
well-known figure in both Jerusalem and New York and founder of the Hineni
organization. Rebbetzin Jungreis is a survivor of the Holocaust, and
during her talk she spoke about her family's experiences both during and
after World War II. As she spoke, relating both pleasant and
not-so-pleasant experiences, a smile was glued to her face.
Is she a fake, I wondered? As if she read my mind, she
related the following story.
Rebbetzin Jungreis came from a Torah-observant family and
after the war she married a fellow survivor who was an Orthodox rabbi. The
young couple settled in New York, but the religious standards were quite
lower than what they had been used to in Europe. Often Rabbi Jungreis felt
frustrated in his job, and yet he was determined not to let his
frustrations make themselves felt in his home. Therefore, as he turned the
corner and approached his home, he forced himself to hum a happy tune. By
the time he opened the front door, he was able to greet his wife and
children with a happy smile.
We can't usually choose what happens to us, Rebbetzin
Jungreis concluded, but we can choose how we react. If we smile even when
we don't feel like smiling, we might be accused of being a "fake," but in
most situations it's better to wear a counterfeit smile than a truthful
frown.
After the lecture, I decided to try this technique out.
The hour was late, I was tired and I had a long walk home ahead of me. So
I smiled. And the walk passed quickly and pleasantly.
The next morning, when I drowsily stumbled out of my house
and proceeded to walk to work, I put my smile back on my face - and
promptly forgot about it. When I reached the center of town, I noticed
that coming from the opposite direction was a small group of people who
were smiling at me.
Who are you? Do I know you from somewhere, I wondered, as
I peered into each person's smiling face? Why are you smiling at me?
Then I remembered about the smile I had glued to my face
earlier. All these people, who were merely automatically responding to my
wordless greeting, were probably wondering the same thing that I had been
wondering a few seconds ago - who is this woman and why is she smiling at
me?
That morning, downtown Jerusalem was filled with smiles -
and from that day on I decided to do my bit to make Jerusalem a Free-Smile
Zone. Whether I feel like it or not, when I leave my house I try to
remember to put a smile on my face. Whether I'm at the bank or the grocery
store, paying the bus driver or asking a co-worker a question, I try to
begin every encounter with a smile - and the difference in my life, at
least, has been astounding.
Life is suddenly significantly less hassle-filled, and
people seem to be a lot nicer and willing to be more helpful. Giving away
a smile for free costs me nothing, and yet it gives me a lot back in
return.
So I wholeheartedly recommend Rebbetzin Jungreis' advice:
When you're feeling happy, smile; and when you're feeling not so happy,
smile even more.
IV. No Great Expectations
On Purim, one of the happiest days of the year, we are
commanded to give gifts of food (mishloach manot) to at least one
friend. If we get a mishloach manot in return - or even a dozen of
them - wonderful! We're filled with happiness at knowing we have so many
friends.
But what if we don't get any mishloach manot? What
if we give, and we don't get anything in return? Do we get depressed and
go find a corner to cry in? As much as one might like to, on Purim it's
forbidden to be sad. The mitzvah is to give - not to get - so it's the
giving that is supposed to make us happy, irrespective of what we get in
return.
Although it might be hard to imagine the above scenario
actually happening, all of us, at some time in our lives, have given
something to another person and not received what we expected in return.
Perhaps we put a lot of time and thought into selecting a
birthday present for a loved one - only to have the gift received with
indifference. Perhaps we did a neighbor a favor and the person didn't
appreciate our efforts.
People sometimes carry grudges for life because they feel
that something they once did was not sufficiently appreciated. But grudges
weigh us down, and carrying them around with us is a terrible waste of
energy. If we acted with the right motives and we gave because we wanted
to - and not because we wanted to manipulate the person in some way - it's
much healthier to realize that we only have control over our actions, and
not over someone else's reactions.
So Adar is a good time to cultivate the art of joyfully
giving without expecting anything in return. What kinds of things can you
give? Here's a few things to start with, and then add more of your own:
Give mishloach manot to at least two friends and one
person you would normally not think of giving to (i.e. an elderly person,
a neighbor you're not particularly close to, etc.).
Help your in-laws with a chore around the house or run an
errand for them.
Invite an elderly relative over for dinner.
Compliment your child on a specific accomplishment.
Call up your parents and tell them you love them.
Tribe: Naftali.
When the Patriarch Yaakov blessed his son Naftali, he
said," Naftali is a deer let loose; he gives eloquent words."
In modern Israel, a leaping deer is the symbol of the Post
Office, which delivers millions of "eloquent words" every day. But we can
also use the power of this very special messenger to deliver a letter to a
very far-away address: Heaven.
To-do
List for the Soul:
The Ultimate Talk Therapy
If you have a problem that you can't yet solve, or you're
just in a generally bad mood, there's Someone you can always speak to -
God. Your words don't have to be eloquent, but they should be from the
heart.
Jewish prayer, even a prayer that we offer in our own
words, follows a certain set formula. First we thank God for all the many
gifts He has bestowed on us, next we state our request and finally we
thank God once more for listening to us and being there to guide us.
Let's say you're having one of those days when nothing
seems to be going right. You hate being in a bad mood, but you just can't
shake it. How might you phrase your conversation?
You might begin by thanking God for some of the gifts He
has given you that are actually in good working order: your good health,
your ability to think and speak, your family and friends who are there to
give you love and support, your ability to work and pay your bills, etc.
Then you might explain to God that although you wish to be
a happy person, you're feeling very low. You can ask Him to open your eyes
so that you can see a solution to your problem. As you are talking, the
solution may present itself or - at the very least - you may feel the
weight of your sorrows suddenly being lifted off your shoulders.
When you have your answer, remember to thank God for
helping you.
When you are having problems with another person, talking
to God about these problems can be especially helpful. The key, however,
is not to complain about the other person. Instead, concentrate on asking
God to help the two of you successfully resolve the problem in a mutually
satisfying way. Try it. You'll be surprised by the results.
* Please note
that the exercises mentioned above should not be construed as
medical, psychological, or professional advice, and the author is not
responsible for consequences that may result from using these exercises.
|
