Touch. Tishrei is the time when we do teshuvah - when we admit that we
have done things wrong during the past year and resolve to try and do
better during the coming year.
One of the most important acts we must perform during this
month is to ask for forgiveness from those whom we may have hurt by our
words or deeds. We ask forgiveness from our spouses, children, parents,
other relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, clients, teachers -
anyone whom we may have offended or angered, either intentionally or
unintentionally.
Although it is possible to ask for this forgiveness over
the telephone or even through written communication, it becomes much more
powerful when it is done face to face. Especially when the hurt is deep or
longstanding, the words "I'm sorry," followed by a warm hug or handshake
can do much to bring peace between the two individuals - and the more
peace there is between individual Jews, the more peace there will be for
all of the Jewish people.
And by the way, if you are the type of person who is
particularly hard on yourself, don't forget to include your own name on
the list!
To-do list for the soul:
1. Ask forgiveness from your family, friends and
business associates for anything you may have done to hurt or offend
them during the previous year.
Step One: Make a list of people you want to ask for
forgiveness.
Step Two: By the name of each person, write down the
date and time that you are going to visit, call or write to them (and
then do it!).
Step Three: Put a star by the name of anyone that
you should make a special effort to apologize to in person. Make sure
you meet and, if appropriate, reinforce your words with a hug.
2. If you have been particularly hard on yourself
during the past year (and even if you haven't), treat yourself to a
massage, reflexology session or some other healing method involving the
sense of touch.
3. Make a list of seven fun things to do
involving the sense of touch (i.e. baking bread, finger-painting,
walking barefoot in the sand) - and do at least three of them.
Controlling Limb of the Body:
Gall. The gall bladder acts as a
storage container for bile - an extremely bitter, yellowish-green fluid
produced by the liver. Despite its bitter connotation, bile plays a
positive role in the digestive process because it neutralizes acidity and
breaks down fats. When the bile has completed its task, it sends some of
its fluid back to the liver. This fluid from the bile cools down the
liver, which has been working intensively during the digestive process to
cleanse and purify the blood.
The Sages took note of this physiological process and
commented, "The liver becomes angry; the gallbladder emits fluids to
pacify that anger" (Berakhot 61b). Chassidut takes this concept one
step further and teaches, by analogy, that just as the liver produces bile
- its own rectification, so too does suffering, which is often bitter,
also produce its own rectification.
According to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, we are often the
source of our own suffering. If we were able to look truly objectively at
a painful situation, we would realize that it was our own mistakes -
acting inconsiderately to a loved one, not taking care of one's health,
not reading the fine print - that are at the root of the problem.
If we ignore our own role in the situation, the anger and
hurt will fester and poison our lives. But if we have the courage to face
up to our own mistakes, the process of rectification - and healing - can
begin. Each time we go through this process of "sweetening the
bitterness," we are one step closer to achieving inner peace.
Tishrei is the ideal time to begin to heal any deep
emotional wounds that we are still carrying around inside us. When we make
our list of those whom we want to ask for forgiveness, we sometimes
"forget" to include on that list the very people who have hurt us the
most. This is perhaps because we sometimes find it so difficult to admit
that we, too, have made a mistake.
However, if we can find the courage to take an honest look
back at what happened - to admit our mistakes and forgive ourselves for
making those mistakes - we will also find the courage to ask these
people for forgiveness. When this happens, the bitterness we have been
carrying inside for months - or even years - will fall away, and we will
truly be able to have a sweet New Year.
To-do list for the soul:
Heal a hurt from
the past by doing an exercise suggested by Rabbi Kalonymus Kalman Shapira,
the Piaseczna Rebbe and Rebbe of the Warsaw Ghetto during the Holocaust.
Step One: Go over your list of "people to ask for
forgiveness." First, see if there is anyone on the list who you
find it hard to forgive for something they have done to you. Write down
those names.
Step Two: Now recheck your list and see if anyone is
missing because:
you find it too difficult emotionally to renew
contact this person
you lost contact with the person
the person has passed away
Write down the names.
Step Three: Select one name from this list. Perhaps it
is a parent who wasn't there for you, a sibling who let you down, a
teacher who humiliated you, or a client who ran off without paying. It's
your choice.
Write the person who has hurt you a letter that will
not be sent. In your letter write in detail about what that person did
to you, and tell the person exactly how you feel about what happened.
Don't hold anything back. If you feel like hurling insults or sarcastic
remarks - hurl away. For this letter, no fault is too small, no bad
character trait too trivial. Let all the anger and frustration come
pouring out.
When you have written everything that you want and need to
say, hide the letter in some safe place where you are sure no one else
will see it. And do not share the contents of this letter with anyone.
Step Four: The next day, find a time when you can be
alone and undisturbed for fifteen minutes. Retrieve the letter, and now
read out loud what you have written. Imagine that the person is standing
right in front of you, and that he or she has to listen to every word. If
you feel like shouting at the other person, then shout. If you need to
bang on the table to make a point, do it. Just really feel like you are
talking to that person and finally letting out all those feelings you have
held inside. When you are finished, return the letter to its hiding place.
Step Five: Repeat "Step Four" once a day, for
the next 2-4 days. Every day, make a mental or written note of any changes
you feel in your level of anger towards that person. Are you still reading
the letter out loud with the same intense passion, or are you starting to
feel embarrassed by some of the things you wrote? Does your blood still
boil when you recall what this person did to you, or are you beginning to
see that maybe what happened wasn't entirely the other person's fault?
According to Rabbi Shapira, this exercise can help most
people rid themselves of any intense, burning anger they may harbor
because it is a law of the soul that when someone taunts or abuses an
enemy, the anger begins to dissipate.
In a face-to-face encounter, where both sides are trading
angry words, the anger is strengthened anew by each hurtful retort. But in
this letter exercise, there is nothing to feed your anger, and so each day
it weakens a little more until it eventually "starves to death." And not
only that - in that place that was formerly filled with anger, there is
now a space in the soul where thoughts of reconciliation can take root and
grow.
Step Six: If you should find that you want to
try to become reconciled with this person, Tishrei offers a perfect
opportunity to begin this process in a non-threatening way. Send the
person a New Year's greeting card - and even if you just sign your name at
the bottom of the card's pre-printed message, that first step may be
enough to start the process of reconciliation.
Step Seven: When you have cleared your anger,
make sure you throw away the letter!
Rebbe Shapira cautions us against doing this exercise too
often, so for now do not try it with anyone else on the list. Instead, you
might want to ask G-d to help you remove anger you feel in your heart for
these other people without having to resort to this type of exercise.
Scale
(Libra). The first ten days of Tishrei are a time of Divine Judgement. The
Mishnah (Rosh Hashanah 16a) uses the metaphor of sheep passing one
by one before their owner to describe how G-d scrutinizes all the deeds of
the previous year of each member of His "flock" on Rosh Hashanah - and
then hands down a verdict for each person on Yom Kippur.
According to Rabbi Eliyahu E. Dessler, in his monumental
work Michtav M'Eliyahu (Strive for Truth, in English), the point of
having an annual day of judgement is not to make us depressed, but rather
to wake us up from our spiritual stupor. On this day we are given an
opportunity to think seriously about where we are in our lives - and then
resolve to make improvements so that we can do better. It is not just a
day of judgement, it is also a day of choice - our choice - to either make
positive changes in our lives or (G-d forbid) go back to sleep.
In between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are ten days when
our Sages tell us we can tip the scale of judgement in our favor by making
an active effort to change our ways. The Mussaf (Additional) service on
Rosh Hashanah tells us how to do this: "repentance (teshuvah), prayer (tefillah)
and charity (tzedakah) remove the badness of the decree."
To-do list for the soul:
For this to-do list, let's work backwards and start with
tzedakah - because nothing tips the scale in your favor like giving
charity.
During the Ten Days of Repentance it is customary to give
charity - and then give some more. Although it is certainly a good thing
to give charity to needy Jews in your community, it is also good to give
to the poor people in Israel. Decoupage for the Soul gives tzedakah to
non-profit organizations such as Yad Eliezer and Noam Shabbos that distribute holiday food packages to
poor families in Jerusalem,
and you can e-mail us for information on how to contact them.
Tefillah (prayer): Prayer is one of the most important
means of communication we have to come closer to G-d. But even though the
line is never busy and the rates are incredibly low, very few of us take
full advantage of this opportunity to speak to G-d.
For those who are unfamiliar with Jewish prayer, the
siddur (prayer book) is a long, incomprehensible jumble of text. And for
those who pray daily, the challenge is to keep one's concentration focused
on the text so that we can say the words with true feeling. But for
everyone, Tishrei is a great time to renew one's commitment to speaking
with G-d (and not just mumbling words) on a regular basis.
1. If you are new to tefillah, during Tishrei begin your
morning by saying the following short prayer that is said before you get
out of bed:
"I gratefully thank You, living and eternal King, for You
have returned my soul to me with compassion - Your faithfulness is great."
Short as this prayer is, it contains two important basic
concepts. One, that we should be aware of the need to thank G-d for the
many blessings He bestows on us every day - and we can show our
gratefulness by starting the morning off by thanking Him for the gift of
life.
Second, we need to be aware that G-d has given us this new
day of life for a reason - because He believes in us. Despite whatever
mistakes we may have made in the past, G-d is willing to give us another
chance to fulfill our purpose in life - which is yet another reason why we
should be grateful.
If we can master the art of expressing our gratitude to
G-d in this short prayer, we may become inspired to learn even more about
Jewish prayer.
2. If you are already praying on a daily basis, decide
that during the month of Tishrei you are going to make a special effort to
recite with full kavannah (concentration) the words of the Shema. In the
Shema, we proclaim our acceptance of G-d's absolute sovereignty over us -
so why not use the special energy of Rosh Hashanah to inspire you to
perform this all-important mitzvah with greater kavannah.
Teshuvah: During Tishrei, we don't repent only for
actual deeds we have committed - like robbing a bank, or kicking the
neighbor's dog. We also need to atone for destructive character traits
that we have let influence our thoughts or actions, such as anger,
jealousy, negativity or greed (for money, food or whatever is a person's
obsession).
Although we can never completely rid ourselves of these
powerful emotions, we can strengthen the positive antidotes that can act
as a counterbalance to them, such as:
Faith (emunah) - knowing in a deep way that
everything that happens to me comes from G-d, and is ultimately for
my own good
Flexibility - understanding that things don't always
have to be done exactly my way
Acceptance/silence - understanding that sometimes
there is nothing I can do or say to change a situation
Patience - learning to be more responsive to another
person's moods or capabilities, instead of always focusing on my
immediate needs
Happiness (simcha) - remembering to see the positive
and acknowledge the good in every situation
If we can learn how to access these positive attributes as
easily as the negative ones, we will have a lot less to do teshuvah for
next year!
Step One: For the following visualization exercise,
choose one negative character trait that you have and its positive
antidote that you would like to develop. For instance, if you get angry
with the kids for not cleaning up their room, you might choose to work on
patience. Or if you're jealous about the big house your friend just
bought, you might want to work on developing your sense of simcha so that
you can better appreciate what you have.
Step Two: Get into a comfortable position and relax
your body completely. Begin to breathe deeply and slowly from your belly.
After you take five deep breaths, begin to relax each muscle of your body,
starting from your toes and moving upwards towards the top of your head.
With each breath, let all the tension flow out. When you reach the top of
your head, continue to breathe deeply by counting down slowly from ten to
one.
Step Three: When you are relaxed, become aware of the
flow of energy that is coursing through you body. When you can feel this
energy inside you, expand your vision: think of the pure energy of the
sun, the oceans or the earth under your feet.
Expand your vision once more and visualize your favorite
form of natural beauty. Perhaps it is the ocean or the mountains, or the
beauty of a bird in flight or a dolphin in the sea. Allow this image to
fill your mind. See and appreciate the effortless, pure energy embodied in
this object or animal.
Feel yourself becoming one with this energy. Feel the
energy of the ocean or the bird in flight in your muscles, in your blood
stream, in your entire body. Let this flow of pure energy re-energize your
body.
Step Four: Now turn this experience of energy into an
expression of one of the positive attributes listed above (patience,
flexibility, etc.)
Relive a time when you effortlessly put into practice one
of these attributes and you experienced its powerful, positive energy.
Perhaps you were once a summer camp counselor, and through
your patient guidance a youngster learned how to swim. Relive this memory
completely. Feel the water lapping against your body, see the child's
face, hear your words of patient encouragement. Then experience that
moment of joy when the child overcame his or her fears and began to float,
unaided, in the water. Relive that happy moment of success when all your
patience finally paid off.
Whatever attribute you choose and whatever memory you
recall, relive it completely and feel the positive energy of the moment
filling your body.
Step Five: Now quickly turn to a moment when you felt
the destructive energy of the negative attribute you are trying to
control.
Perhaps it happened when you came home from work one
night, with a bag full of groceries in your arms, and you tripped over one
of the kids' toys that lay strewn in the entryway. Did you feel anger? Did
you yell at the kids, or at your spouse? Relive the moment. Do your
muscles tense up when you become angry, or do you fling out? However you
physically react, feel the energy of the anger coursing through your body.
Or perhaps you want to relive a moment when your felt
intense jealousy because your best friend from college just signed a
lucrative book contract. Whatever the negative attribute or the situation
- relive that moment completely in your body.
Step Six: Now you are going to switch rapidly between
steps four and five.
Go back to the positive moment and feel that positive
energy completely. Then turn to the destructive moment, and re-experience
that negative energy.
Practice switching back and forth between these two
extremes, until it becomes easy for you to do so. But remember to
experience the different energies in your body - and not just in your
mind.
Step Seven: Repeat one more time this switching from
the positive experience to the negative experience. Then feel yourself
consciously drawing out of your body both the positive and negative
energies - until you are left with only the experience of pure impersonal
energy (such as you felt in Step Three).
Allow yourself to be one with this energy and filled with
its power. When you are done, slowly open your eyes.
You may want to end this exercise by reciting an
affirmation that will reinforce what you have just experienced. For
example: Every day I'm becoming more patient with my children. I let go
of anger effortlessly and easily.
Mastery of this visualization exercise can give you
control over how you react to any situation. Life is full of challenges,
both large and small, but it's important to remember that G-d sends us
these challenges because He wants us to grow. The challenge itself is
neither good or bad - it is neutral. It is how we react to the challenge
that makes it take on its positive or negative hue.
When you are confronted with a new challenge, it helps to
try to maintain a level of impersonal energy. This helps you evaluate the
situation and determine what steps need to be taken to resolve the issue.
Sometimes, you can even imbue a situation with positive energy, when you
see how well you are handling the situation or when you realize that you
have learned a valuable lesson that will help you in the future. The main
thing, though, is to realize that you do not have to immediately react to
a difficulty with anger or impatience or any other negative emotion. You
have freedom of choice - so exercise this freedom.
